Sunday, 28 October 2012

Odanglesex Revisited: Vital Statistics (3)

The conclusion of the reposted adventure of Odanglesex County Council and the Statistical Unit. This is of course fiction. Fact is stranger than fiction.

FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Assistant Chief Executive and Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
TO: Edelbertha Spengler, Chief Executive
cc: Conor O'Connor, Director of Human Resources Development


Transportation and Settlement are arguing, perhaps a little combatively, that our new Statistical Unit overlaps with the Statistical Services and Processes function currently placed in that directorate under Neville Potts. It is clear that our statistical work needs direction management and a coherent approach to deliver the Council's objectives.

Would you agree that the following would be the best way of resolving this little problem?

* A new post of Head of Statistical Strategy and Numerological Transformation be created on K2(P2), one grade above Margot Outforle's current post and two above Neville Potts', the position to be advertised internally;
* The current posts held by Margot and Neville to be abolished and a post of Assistant Head to be created at K2(P1);
* The two units be combined under the leadership of the new Head of SS and NT with the loss of one K2(MO3);
* The new unit to be placed in the Chief Executive's unit and to be line managed by myself in my role as Assistant Chief Executive and not as Director of TE&SV?

FROM: Edelbertha Spengler
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob

Kenneth: Conor thinks we could shave off a K2(M4) as well. Otherwise, fine.

FROM: Conor O'Connor
TO: Edelbertha Spengler

Ed: Sorry you couldn't get back in time from the Local Government Excellence in Transformation Awards ceremony because of choppy water in the Solent. Just to let you know that the panel offered the post of Head of Statistical Strategy and Numerological Transformation to Margot Outforle and she has accepted. Neville Potts has turned down the Assistant post and is taking voluntary redundancy: we will need to reinstate the process to appoint to that post.

There wasn't much between the two of them on written applications or interview, but Margot won heads down on the presentational task. As you'll recall, it was to present a report on "Odanglesex in 2030: a Statistical Approach". Margot's demonstration of the implications of a continued increase at the current rate of golf courses was very well received. Neville, by contrast, lost marks by discounting statistics from Spamby Island on the grounds that climate change would have resulted in its disappearance by 2030, since Councillor Sillitoe-Heald pointed out that our official position is that climate change is a statistical blip; and his projection of the numbers of Bangladeshis leaving Wenham to settle in Odanglesex was vigorously disputed by Councillor Broadthwaite in terms he really had no answer to.

Councillor Broadthwaite was also concerned that Neville's calculation of his likelihood of being a car thief came out at 2.25%, 0.55% higher than the result from Scunthorpeshire. He asked, "Are you saying that if there were fifty Adam Broadthwaites, one of them would be a car thief?". Neville's reply was, "No, councillor. Almost certainly something in the region of nought to five, though." Enough said.


FROM: Edelbertha Spengler
TO: Margot Outforle

Margot - congrats on your new job! Could you do a guest blog next week - perhaps with some interesting statistics that would be meaningful to most of our employees? Say anything you like, starting with how excited you are to be taking on your new responsibilities and what a wonderful place to work Odanglesex County Council is.


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