Odanglesex Revisited: Ed's Christmas Message

A bit before time, another reposted Odanglesex adventure, this time the Chief Executive's Christmas message.


ED's JOB: The blog of Chief Executive Edelbertha Spengler


Wow, only two days to the REALLY BIG DAY - Christmas!

At home we've been hyperactively getting everything ready, the presents, the wrapping paper, the cellotape (desperate last-minute trip for that), the turkey, the pudding, the tree, the car window de-icer, the battle plan for refuse and recycling arrangements. Just remember to check out what the changed timetable is for collections in your area.

My ten-year-old is a bit hooked on glace cherries, so I'm having to take steps to limit the supply this Christmas or she could be sick again.

It's a bit like that about the Council's budget. You can have too much of a good thing. Some restrictions are necessary and even some compulsory redundancies. Today those of you who that applies to will be getting the notification. I'm really grateful to them for all the work they've done, whatever it was. My eldest son tells me Christmas is really an ancient midwinter festival when people got rid of all their accumulated fat and vegetables and nuts and celebrated the end of the old year and the start of a new and exciting one, and that before that they probably had some human sacrifices (URGH!) so for all of you experiencing change, IT CAN BE EXCITING!

Excuse me. Now the turkey needs stuffing!!!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

Ed

Autumn birds

Here in England autumn is in the air. The air is a little colder, each day is slightly shorter than the one before and in the countryside if you pause, you can sense that slight sweet rotting smell.

For birds it's a time of change. It reminds me how different our perceptions of time and change can be depending on the latitude we live at. For temperate parts south of the equator, of course, you just reverse the times so Christmas will be in summer and May Day will come towards the end of autumn's slide into winter. The experience of the seasons is the same. But further north, winter is longer and harsher, as I experienced for two years in Finland. Most birds leave in autumn and hardly any arrive, making spring far more dramatic. In the two years I was in Finland, I saw my first Woodpigeon of the year each time on the 30th April. Near the equator, as in Kenya where I've also lived, none of the resident birds leave but you know Europe and Northern Asia are descending into winter because new birds arrive, many of species not present in the European summer.

Last week a visit to our local North Essex migration hotspot, The Naze, an unstable peninsula between the open sea and an estuary, turned up several migrants, birds not present in summer locally but passing through on the way to Africa - Pied Flycatcher, Common Redstart, Garden Warbler, Yellow Wagtail, Sand Martin and others. Yesterday i was covering an area not far away and also coastal but much more sheltered, so less likely to attract local rarities - the complicated estuarine areas of Hamford Water and The Wade. This fits in neatly with a pint in the Red Lion, Kirby-le-soken, before I head back. Birds sitting on an old upturned rowing-boat in the channel were revealed as three different tern species, Sandwich, Common and Little. A Whinchat flew to the top of a bramble bush. Those are all birds heading for Africa. But soon after a small, sharp-winged, intense, fast shape cut across the sky and put up clouds of waders. The first Merlin of the winter had arrived.

Odanglesex Revisited: A Thousand Miles (2)

FROM: Kelly Pattrick, PA to Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager

Kenneth wanted to be assured that your claim for 49 miles for the round trip from County Hall to and from Little Pilesbury is correct. The AA route planner says 45 miles.

FROM: Hamish Carpenter
TO: Kelly Pattrick

Kelly: Bodger's Lane was blocked by a fallen tree. The best alternative route through the Dirksedges took an extra four miles.

Hamish.

FROM: Reema Narlikar, Transformational Excellence Officer
More reposted Odanglesex fun: Following concern about the levels of mileage claims, all claims now have to go through the Director. In Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision, of course, that's Kenneth Spotlessnob.

TO: Bunny Hare, Financial Processes Consultant (claims)
Bunny:

I submitted my mileage claim for the second quarter of the year nearly four months ago and it hasn't appeared even in the pay statement that's just arrived. Sorry to push, but what's happening?

Reema

FROM: Bunny Hare
TO: Reema Narlikar

Reema:

Sorry, I haven't heard back from Kelly Pattrick as to where Kenneth has got with it. I'll chase again.

FROM: Bunny Hare
TO: Reema Narlikar

Ree: your claim hasn't been approved by Kenneth yet. Kelly tells me he has quite a backlog.

Bun

FROM: Reema Narlikar
TO: Hamish Carpenter

Hamish: please see attached emails. Comment reads: ****@@@&%$***!!!!


FROM: Edelbertha Spengler, Chief Executive
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision

Kenneth:

Just to assure you that following the informal word you had with me about the large amount of time Directors are having to devote to checking mileage claims, I'm putting to CLB that claims under 500 miles be self-assessed and thereafter by line managers only.

Ed

A Fine Wine

Just a quickie for now. I brought back from Hungary two bottles of white wine from Thummerer in the east of the country. They specialise in reds, but I liked their whites better.

One bottle is now finished and it was marvellous - crisp and quite dry but grapey. It's not normally on sale in the U.K., but is in some other foreign countries. It's EGRI KIRALYLEANYKA (can't do the accents).

This may seem like a commercial, but I don't do commercials and this isn't one. It's just an excellent white.

Odanglesex Revisited: A Thousand Miles (1)

In this reposted Odanglesex adventure, senior management is getting concerned about the level of mileage allowance claims and responds with its default reaction - tight centralisation (for a while).

FROM: Grant Coutts, Director of Financial Process and Resources
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision

Kenneth: I attach a copy of the quarterly analysis of mileage expenses by directorate. While the overall trend for the Council is directionally benevolent, your directorate's mileage is increasing. One employee in your directorate claimed for more than a thousand miles in the last quarter.

FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Grant Coutts

Grant: Many thanks for this. Who was it and what was the precise figure?

FROM: Tracey Love, Financial Processes Officer (claims)
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision

Kenneth: Grant asked me to supply details as above. It was Chalmers Butt, District Community Development Outreach Officer. He claimed for 1071 miles.

FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Danni Worrall, Senior Strategic Visioner

Danni: See the above. Please get a grip on Chalmers' expenses.
Kenneth.

FROM: Danni Worrall
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob

Kenneth: Chalmers was appointed six months ago to a new post, if you remember. It involves going round all the districts and many of the meetings are in village halls and so on. He really does need this mileage.

FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Danni Worral

Danni: Thanks for this. Nonetheless, try to control his mileage. This is a corporate priority.

Kenneth.

FROM: Edelbertha Spengler, Chief Executive
TO: All directors

Colleagues: Some of the trends in mileage claims are not as we would wish. Moreover, where the trend is benign, it is generally well short of our milestones. Consequently, as you are aware, at the last CMB meeting we agreed the following changes which should be conveyed to your staff.

All journeys which generate an entitlement to a mileage claim must be approved at least a week in advance by the line manager and by the relevant director.

If the line manager is the relevant director, approval must be in place also from the assistant director. If the potential claimant is the director, (s)he may approve his/her own expenses subject to normal controls (you can leave that bit out when you cascade).

All claims must be approved and countersigned by the director.

Thanks and have a good weekend

Ed

FROM: Kelly Pattrick, PA to Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob

Kenneth: When I sent out the mileage e-mail to all Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision, was I supposed to leave out that bit about directors' expenses and Ed's comment in brackets?

Kelly

TO BE CONTINUED....

Odanglesex Revisited: Lord Pond

More re-posted Odanglesex adventures. The previous Leader of the Council was Lord Pond. He was found out in various misdeeds and now both politicians of his party and officers are keen to forget him as soon as possible.


FROM: William Wayneflete, Leader of the Council

TO: All Odanglesex County Council

I thought I should let you know that I have been informed that an exhaustive routine check of our records has revealed that the convicted necromancer "Lord" David Pond, a cat-herd, was once a member of this council, elected for the Graveigh division. An intensive and rigorous investigation is now taking place into whether he was ever, as he has claimed on television, leader of this council.

Any enquiries from the media should be referred to External Communications. If, as may occasionally be the case, you should enter a hostelry and be asked about "Dave Pond", the line to take is that you have never heard of him.

Many thanks for your support.

Bill Wayneflete



ED's JOB

Edelbertha Spengler's blog

Hi!

Yesterday my eight-year-old left the back gate open and Rupert the Tortoise escaped. We were just in time to stop him getting on a bus. I don't know about you, but I hate telling the children off. However, I did feel I had to lay down the law a bit about gates.

In the same way, I thought it'd be timely to remind you about security at County Hall and particularly access issues. After all, as a nerve centre of government, we would be an obvious target for terrorists or "Occupy" protesters, and a thief seeing all the publicity bandied about on the amount of money we spend might try to gain entry to see if any of it was lying around!

I need to remind myself about this just as much as anyone else. Only about four years ago, I distinctly remember being greeted in the Roman atrium by a short, fat man who embraced me and said he had just found out that I was a woman, but never mind, I still had a job. Naturally I assumed he was a leading member of the council. I now realise this may have been incorrect and I should have asked to see his I.D.. Please do the same for anyone you don't recognise, unless, of course, they have a badge saying VALUED CUSTOMER.

Byeee!

FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
TO: Kelly Pattrick, PA to Kenneth Spotlessnob

Kelly:

I'm just updating my gifts and favours register entry. Could you check for me with Internal Governance Excellence whether Lord Pond giving me an ice lolly constituted a gift which should be declared?

Kenneth

Politicians!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***£%$£££**!!!

"Politicians" has become a dirty word. However, no state that got along with an element of free participation by at least some of its citizens has ever donw without politicians. Even in the direct democracy of Athens there were political leaders.

So those who rubbish politicians as a class must stand for one of these two things:

*EITHER some kind of dictatorship

*OR much more honest and better-behaved politicians.

I do suspect that some of the anti-politician and anti-politics culture is whipped up by right-wing media because the more people distrust politics and politicians, the more they will be happy for decisions that used to be taken openly and democratically through the political process to be left to corporations and (which is not quite the same thing) to the market. I've posted on the limitations of the market before, but just remember two things about the market: it doesn't think far ahead; and if you have a thousand times someone else's spending power, for the market, you have a thousand times the power. Forget one person one vote.

However, even the most ideologically pure free-marketeers admit some room for collective, democratic government, for which you still need politicians. I think hardly anyone in stable democracies wants dictatorship. Still politicians, then, but maybe better ones?

That's a perfectly reasonable aim and the U.K. parliamentary expenses scandal gives it force. But that scandal related purely to NATIONAL politicians (control over local expenditure is much tighter) and yet it's tarred local councillors with the same brush. As for the sort of honesty that means sincerity rather than decent behaviour over money, people say they want that kind of honesty in politicians yet those who display it are often pilloried for putting their feet in it.

It's also worth remembering that opinion surveys over nearly fifty years have shown that U.K. voters have a very low opinion of M.P.s and councillors in general, yet often like their own local representatives. In other words, there is an anti-politician assumption which is unaffected by positive experience of your local person.

There's a widespread assumption that local elected politicians are paid careerists - yet if you look at the allowances U.K. councillors get, they vary between about £1,000 a year and £10,000 (excepting what a few people like a leader of the council get for what's maybe half a full-time job), not big money especially if you consider that being an active councillor will involve expenses (driving around a lot, for example, and very likely some of your election expenses) and many hours of work, not only meetings but taking up problems for people, talking with people, researchiung issues and so on.

Someone posted on a local paper discussion board that their council would be better if the councillors were all independents instead of "political careerists". Well, look at the typical local council and you'll find many of the councillors are retired people who've had careers and now want to do something for their area and promote things they believe in. Others have good non-political careers they may well be damaging through the spare time and mental energy they take on council business. Out of 50 councillors you might find about eight or ten who had national political ambitions and maybe two of those would be elected to parliament, not necessarily for more than a few years.

As for independents, there are some good ones, but here are some of the minuses:

- they're all well-off. Political parties can pay the election expenses of relatively poor candidates, but independents pay their own, unless of course they have rich friends who may expect favours in return.

- you generally have very little idea of what they stand for or how they'll vote on key issues: there's no manifesto, for a start.

- if they do express a commitment, there's no mechanism to stop them going off in a completely different direction, whereas a party candidate elected on a manifesto who completely ignored it would probably be in trouble.

- very often they're party loyalists in disguise, so you get the party rule without the honesty of knowing you're voting for the Conservatives (say) to run the council. In a recent town council election not far from me, seven people were standing as independents yet were endorsed en bloc by the Conservative district and county councillors and behaved like a party slate.

Sometimes it seems the anti-politician mood is so strong that people forget that the vast majority of local political activists are volunteers who believe in something.