Thanks to Kenneth Spotlessnob having momentarily sat on his multi-enabled phone, enabling a recording device, and then later his slight mistake in copying the recording to an ex-employee, we are able to eavesdrop on a conversation between men of power and standing.
Councillor Broadthwaite: "Ah, Kenneth. I want to talk to you about my visit to Scunthorpeshire. They have some absolutely amazing stuff there."
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "Oh, right. Excellent. What's that, councillor?"
Cllr Broadthwaite: "Fantastic security-controlled car-park, for a start. But they've got a Statistical Unit that can do just amazing things - makes us look like cavemen. And cavewomen, of course."
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "Oh, right. Like what?"
Cllr Broadthwaite: "Councillor Butterfield, I suppose."
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "No, excuse me, I was unclear. I meant to ask what statistical functions they could do."
Cllr Broadthwaite: "Ah. Well, for a start, they showed me how they could feed a lot of information about me into the computer and out came a prediction in less than a minute of how likely I was to be a car thief!"
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "Gosh. How likely are you?"
Cllr Broadthwaite: "Only 1.7% with some twiddly bits."
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "Parameters of significance."
Cllr Broadthwaite: "It was very reassuring, I can tell you. Now just imagine if we could do that for every resident of Odanglesex, not only for being a car thief, but being a good parent, needing home helps, reading dirty books, voting Conservative...and other stuff too. Why don't we have a unit like that?"
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "Interesting, but...."
Cllr Broadthwaite: "I'm going to speak to Bill Wayneflete about it."
Kenneth Spotlessnob: "By all means, councillor, but I can take action on this with your approval."
Cllr Broadthwaite: "Wonderful. Fancy a beer?"
So the Statistical Unit is created. In Part 2 we will see the consequences...
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Sunday, 14 October 2012
The true meaning of words
The internet is well-supplied with useful, clear and sometimes witty explanations of what words mean. Some of these concentrate on distinguishing words with similar spelling or sound but different meaning. Most of these sites seem to be American. This could be because most wise English language wordsters are American or because most people making silly mistakes with English are American. Probably both, given the population.
Well, here's my contribution.
SPECTACULAR: Wearing spectacles or possessing spectacles - "She looks spectacular".
UNSPECTACULAR: Not needing or not having with one a pair of spectacles - "I am unable to read this document because I am unspectacular".
MALEFACTOR: The certain something that defines masculinity or distinguishes the male from the female; the male pudenda - "Those running shorts won't hide your malefactor".
DISEMBARK: Remove the outer covering from a tree - "The deer are disembarking the trees".
RATIONAL: Restricted to small portions - "Food is rational here".
RATIONALIST: Someone who believes in restricting things to small, defined portions - "If you were a rationalist you wouldn't eat so much".
RECTITUDE: Having a posterior - "The Bishop is a man of enormous rectitude".
ALLEGATION: A group of crocodile-like reptiles - "That allegation will not go away".
ALLEGORY: A suitably-prepared place to keep crocodile-like reptiles - "You don't find dragons in an allegory".
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION: Growing breasts naturally - "Anna was delighted she had spontaneously combusted".
FRIABLE: Suitable for cooking with oil - "Eggs are not friable unless you remove the shells".
MARINATE: Put something through a sailor - "Don't eat that - it's been marinated".
FASCINATE: Tie something up; become obsessed by uniforms, strong leadership and militaria - "Italians were fascinated by Mussolini".
Any additions?
Well, here's my contribution.
SPECTACULAR: Wearing spectacles or possessing spectacles - "She looks spectacular".
UNSPECTACULAR: Not needing or not having with one a pair of spectacles - "I am unable to read this document because I am unspectacular".
MALEFACTOR: The certain something that defines masculinity or distinguishes the male from the female; the male pudenda - "Those running shorts won't hide your malefactor".
DISEMBARK: Remove the outer covering from a tree - "The deer are disembarking the trees".
RATIONAL: Restricted to small portions - "Food is rational here".
RATIONALIST: Someone who believes in restricting things to small, defined portions - "If you were a rationalist you wouldn't eat so much".
RECTITUDE: Having a posterior - "The Bishop is a man of enormous rectitude".
ALLEGATION: A group of crocodile-like reptiles - "That allegation will not go away".
ALLEGORY: A suitably-prepared place to keep crocodile-like reptiles - "You don't find dragons in an allegory".
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION: Growing breasts naturally - "Anna was delighted she had spontaneously combusted".
FRIABLE: Suitable for cooking with oil - "Eggs are not friable unless you remove the shells".
MARINATE: Put something through a sailor - "Don't eat that - it's been marinated".
FASCINATE: Tie something up; become obsessed by uniforms, strong leadership and militaria - "Italians were fascinated by Mussolini".
Any additions?
Friday, 12 October 2012
Dissidence
This'll be a short post. WARNING: THIS POST HAS PARTY POLITICAL IMPLICATIONS. I have posted about what I understand it to mean to be a Liberal and explained that I'm an active member of the British Liberal Democrats, but most of the time I prefer to post about political and moral issues in the broad sense (or satirically) rather than talking party politics or indeed Christianity or Quakerism.
But.
If you look at the history of dissidence and nonconformism, you'll find it often suggested that these strange and awkward people, by deliberately taking a route different to that taken by most of their countrymen and women, are unpatriotic. Of course, if they oppose what they say is an unjust war (or war in general) that leads to more accusations of disloyalty to country.
If while participating actively in a political party, you raise criticisms, that can also be seen as disloyal. Blairite Labour had a particularly insidious concept of being "on-message" or "off-message", implying that there was one necessary message and if you dissented from it in any way, you weren't suggesting a slightly different path, but dropping off the right path.
Of late the Liberal Democrats in Britain have faced a lot of criticism for sustaining and joining in a Conservative-led coalition making cuts to reduce the deficit at a time of recession. I don't want to get into arguments about what they or the government have done right or wrong except to say that in 2010 after the election there was really little choice. Labour plus Liberal Democrat added up to less than a majority and the markets were ready to panic at a weak government.
But I am critical of some aspects of the leadership. Nowe here's my central point. I see some activists who do a lot for the party raising criticisms - and others reply with comments like, "Stop wingeing and get out on the doorstep." Now this seems to me a bit like saying, "Stop polishing your shoes and learn Spanish." While it may be difficult to learn Spanish at the precise moment when you are polishing your shoes, there is actually no conflict between being devoted to polishing your shoes and successfuly learning Spanish. Similarly, Liberal Democrats who are critical of the direction of the party are in no way prevented from getting out on the doorstep - and in fact many who are critical are amongst the hardest workers with continuing local successes under their belts.
So they may be wrong in their criticisms, but to criticise is not to stand aside.
But.
If you look at the history of dissidence and nonconformism, you'll find it often suggested that these strange and awkward people, by deliberately taking a route different to that taken by most of their countrymen and women, are unpatriotic. Of course, if they oppose what they say is an unjust war (or war in general) that leads to more accusations of disloyalty to country.
If while participating actively in a political party, you raise criticisms, that can also be seen as disloyal. Blairite Labour had a particularly insidious concept of being "on-message" or "off-message", implying that there was one necessary message and if you dissented from it in any way, you weren't suggesting a slightly different path, but dropping off the right path.
Of late the Liberal Democrats in Britain have faced a lot of criticism for sustaining and joining in a Conservative-led coalition making cuts to reduce the deficit at a time of recession. I don't want to get into arguments about what they or the government have done right or wrong except to say that in 2010 after the election there was really little choice. Labour plus Liberal Democrat added up to less than a majority and the markets were ready to panic at a weak government.
But I am critical of some aspects of the leadership. Nowe here's my central point. I see some activists who do a lot for the party raising criticisms - and others reply with comments like, "Stop wingeing and get out on the doorstep." Now this seems to me a bit like saying, "Stop polishing your shoes and learn Spanish." While it may be difficult to learn Spanish at the precise moment when you are polishing your shoes, there is actually no conflict between being devoted to polishing your shoes and successfuly learning Spanish. Similarly, Liberal Democrats who are critical of the direction of the party are in no way prevented from getting out on the doorstep - and in fact many who are critical are amongst the hardest workers with continuing local successes under their belts.
So they may be wrong in their criticisms, but to criticise is not to stand aside.
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Odanglesex Revisited: Some are more equal than others
After a break while I was holidaying up the East coast of England and (just) Scotland from Flamborough Head to St Abb's Head, here's another reposted Odanglesex adventure, this time on government pronouncements on equality law.
FROM: Edelbertha Spengler, Chief Executive
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director Of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
Kenneth:
Could your people cast an eye over this excerpt from a speech by the Secretary of State and see if there's anything we need to do?
"...and another thing. It's about time we stopped poncing around burbling on about equality and human rights. People in the Isle of Brent aren't bothered about that highfaluting nonsense any more than they are in Heckmondwike. Get the streets cleaned. Get the milk put out. Put vandals in prison. Those are the things that count. If I find any local authority wasting money on political correctness like equality monitoring I'll bloody have them tarred and feathered, and if my colleague Ken Priestley hasn't announced that last bit yet, he will, or my name's not Fred Lardly".
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
Neil: Please look into this asap for Ed.
FROM: Neil Balderson
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob
cc: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager
Kenneth:
Street cleaning is a district responsibility and milk transit pathways sit in the private sector. Imprisoning vandals is a matter for the police and the courts. So I think we're all right on this one. but I'll check with Hamish we're not doing anything the Secretary of State could judge to be politically correct.
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Neil Balderson
Or politically incorrect.
FROM: Silesia Jones, Equality Consultant
TO: Neil Balderson; Hamish Carpenter
Neil/Hamish:
"Politically correct" is not a precise term. I certainly cannot reassure you that we aren't doing anything towards equality or human rights: for example, Councillor Wayneflete recently approved the reversal of a decision not to grant-aid the Isle of Brent Domestic Abuse Crisis Centre after lobbying by the Right Hon Fred Lardly, PC, MP, and also wrote a supportive foreword to our Equality Action Plan.
Fred Lardly's remarks should be put in the context of his speech four days earlier to a meeting of university vice chancellors:
"...now if you think that standing up for fair treatment for everyone irrespective of whether they're black, white, yellow or bloody purple with orange bits is a luxury that we can do without in hard times - think again. It's essential to the Big Society, civilisation and business efficiency, and that means knowing what's actually going on, so you'd better be able to tell me, or my friend Liz Fluffstone will be round, and let me tell you, she's pretty serious for a Lib Dem and a woman."
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Edelbertha Spengler
Ed:
I've made exhaustive enquiries concerning your query about the implications of Fred Lardly's speech, and there does not appear to be anything we need to do, especially in the light of his remarks in the House last night about "letting local authorities get on with the job and not interfering, not like that other bloody lot".
Kenneth.
FROM: Edelbertha Spengler, Chief Executive
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director Of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
Kenneth:
Could your people cast an eye over this excerpt from a speech by the Secretary of State and see if there's anything we need to do?
"...and another thing. It's about time we stopped poncing around burbling on about equality and human rights. People in the Isle of Brent aren't bothered about that highfaluting nonsense any more than they are in Heckmondwike. Get the streets cleaned. Get the milk put out. Put vandals in prison. Those are the things that count. If I find any local authority wasting money on political correctness like equality monitoring I'll bloody have them tarred and feathered, and if my colleague Ken Priestley hasn't announced that last bit yet, he will, or my name's not Fred Lardly".
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
Neil: Please look into this asap for Ed.
FROM: Neil Balderson
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob
cc: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager
Kenneth:
Street cleaning is a district responsibility and milk transit pathways sit in the private sector. Imprisoning vandals is a matter for the police and the courts. So I think we're all right on this one. but I'll check with Hamish we're not doing anything the Secretary of State could judge to be politically correct.
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Neil Balderson
Or politically incorrect.
FROM: Silesia Jones, Equality Consultant
TO: Neil Balderson; Hamish Carpenter
Neil/Hamish:
"Politically correct" is not a precise term. I certainly cannot reassure you that we aren't doing anything towards equality or human rights: for example, Councillor Wayneflete recently approved the reversal of a decision not to grant-aid the Isle of Brent Domestic Abuse Crisis Centre after lobbying by the Right Hon Fred Lardly, PC, MP, and also wrote a supportive foreword to our Equality Action Plan.
Fred Lardly's remarks should be put in the context of his speech four days earlier to a meeting of university vice chancellors:
"...now if you think that standing up for fair treatment for everyone irrespective of whether they're black, white, yellow or bloody purple with orange bits is a luxury that we can do without in hard times - think again. It's essential to the Big Society, civilisation and business efficiency, and that means knowing what's actually going on, so you'd better be able to tell me, or my friend Liz Fluffstone will be round, and let me tell you, she's pretty serious for a Lib Dem and a woman."
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Edelbertha Spengler
Ed:
I've made exhaustive enquiries concerning your query about the implications of Fred Lardly's speech, and there does not appear to be anything we need to do, especially in the light of his remarks in the House last night about "letting local authorities get on with the job and not interfering, not like that other bloody lot".
Kenneth.
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Odanglesex Revisited: A Good Performance (2)
Continuing with the reported Odanglesex adventures.
The story so far: the Council has promulgated a profile for performance review with set percentages for each category, any departure from this profile to be approved at senior level. It has also created a "Best Person of the Year" award and ceremony: both of these are presented as responses to a staff survey finding that people want more recognition for good performance.
FROM: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
Neil:
I'm applying for the performance profile to be varied for my team. It really would hit me in the guts for any of my people to be judged "failing", as basically they're all up to the job and working hard. You'll be aware that the team has had a number of major successes this year and I fill in the case for a variation in the attached submission. I also attach the rating I believe would be appropriate if variation is approved.
FROM: Neil Balderson
TO: Hamish Carpenter, Sammi Parrot, Maurice Maina
Colleagues:
Thanks for submitting your requests for EDPE variations. As the robustness of the model depends on maintaining the highest standards, it has unfortunately not been possible for Kenneth, Conor and myself to approve any variations. Where you submitted assessments based on the hoped-for variation, these have all been downgraded to fit the profile. I know you'll be disappointed by this, but I know you and your team members will understand the reasons.
Best wishes
FROM: Dale Brashcon, Transformational Excellence Champion
TO: All Transformational Excellence
GOOD NEWS! You've probably seen the announcement on the Extranet or the latest Ed's Job, but if not, THE DETAILS OF THE BEST PERSON OF THE YEAR AWARD ARE OUT!!! Except, of course, the names of the winners! That we only find out on the night. I know just how excited everyone has been about this and it's obvious from the nominations received that this is really going with a swing. Thanks to all those who nominated colleagues, and special thanks to those who nominated me (ONLY JOKING!!)
If you've read the Extranet you'll know that we've been really lucky to get Ned Pratt OBE to compere and present the awards. Ned will be known to all of you as Odanglesex's premier comedian, the star of "Carry on up the Rear Passage, Gunga Din", "Pratting About" and many other excellent shows.
I hope to see you all on the night. If you're not there, I know where you live (ONLY JOKING!!)
Kenneth wants a really good turnout from TESV. Remember, there are cakes and soft drinks.
ED's JOB
The blog of Chief Executive Edelbertha Spengler
HI!
There's really only one thing I can talk about this week - the wonderful night we all had at the Best Person of the Year celebration. I'm sure you'll all agree that Ned Pratt, who was so kind to agree to run the show, was outstanding and I have to admit I was in stitches at times, though I couldn't quite understand the joke about someone called Lord Pond.
The cakes and pop went like, well, hot cakes, and Minnie in my office had to nip out to Tesco's for replacements.
Well, if by any chance you were unable to attend, here are the results. Congratulations to everyone who was nominated and to those who nominated them.
BEST GUARDIAN ANGEL: Bartholomew Addison, Financial Resources
BEST INNOVATOR: Kerry-Anne Porritt, Older People and Recycling
MOST IMPROVED: Satish Chatterparjee, Transportation and Settlement
AND THE OVERALL WINNER, BEST PERSON OF THE YEAR: Henry Donaldson, Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision.
MANY CONGRATULATIONS, HENRY! Your book vouchers are in the post (sorry they weren't ready on the night).
Now just think, everybody - next year THIS COULD BE YOU!
FROM: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
Kenneth:
Just a little blip, but it could be embarrassing, so better make sure UNISON don't hear about it. Did you realise that Henry Donaldson in Hamish's team is Best Person of the Year and has just been adjudged in EDPE to be failing?
Neil
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Hamish Carpenter
Hamish: We need to have a word about the debacle concerning Henry Donaldson. I hope tomorrow at 4 is suitable for you. Emma Carver from HR will be present. We will be reviewing criteria for EDPE assessment and appropriate implementation pathways.
Believe me, readers - this is only JUST in the realm of fantasy.
The story so far: the Council has promulgated a profile for performance review with set percentages for each category, any departure from this profile to be approved at senior level. It has also created a "Best Person of the Year" award and ceremony: both of these are presented as responses to a staff survey finding that people want more recognition for good performance.
FROM: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
Neil:
I'm applying for the performance profile to be varied for my team. It really would hit me in the guts for any of my people to be judged "failing", as basically they're all up to the job and working hard. You'll be aware that the team has had a number of major successes this year and I fill in the case for a variation in the attached submission. I also attach the rating I believe would be appropriate if variation is approved.
FROM: Neil Balderson
TO: Hamish Carpenter, Sammi Parrot, Maurice Maina
Colleagues:
Thanks for submitting your requests for EDPE variations. As the robustness of the model depends on maintaining the highest standards, it has unfortunately not been possible for Kenneth, Conor and myself to approve any variations. Where you submitted assessments based on the hoped-for variation, these have all been downgraded to fit the profile. I know you'll be disappointed by this, but I know you and your team members will understand the reasons.
Best wishes
FROM: Dale Brashcon, Transformational Excellence Champion
TO: All Transformational Excellence
GOOD NEWS! You've probably seen the announcement on the Extranet or the latest Ed's Job, but if not, THE DETAILS OF THE BEST PERSON OF THE YEAR AWARD ARE OUT!!! Except, of course, the names of the winners! That we only find out on the night. I know just how excited everyone has been about this and it's obvious from the nominations received that this is really going with a swing. Thanks to all those who nominated colleagues, and special thanks to those who nominated me (ONLY JOKING!!)
If you've read the Extranet you'll know that we've been really lucky to get Ned Pratt OBE to compere and present the awards. Ned will be known to all of you as Odanglesex's premier comedian, the star of "Carry on up the Rear Passage, Gunga Din", "Pratting About" and many other excellent shows.
I hope to see you all on the night. If you're not there, I know where you live (ONLY JOKING!!)
Kenneth wants a really good turnout from TESV. Remember, there are cakes and soft drinks.
ED's JOB
The blog of Chief Executive Edelbertha Spengler
HI!
There's really only one thing I can talk about this week - the wonderful night we all had at the Best Person of the Year celebration. I'm sure you'll all agree that Ned Pratt, who was so kind to agree to run the show, was outstanding and I have to admit I was in stitches at times, though I couldn't quite understand the joke about someone called Lord Pond.
The cakes and pop went like, well, hot cakes, and Minnie in my office had to nip out to Tesco's for replacements.
Well, if by any chance you were unable to attend, here are the results. Congratulations to everyone who was nominated and to those who nominated them.
BEST GUARDIAN ANGEL: Bartholomew Addison, Financial Resources
BEST INNOVATOR: Kerry-Anne Porritt, Older People and Recycling
MOST IMPROVED: Satish Chatterparjee, Transportation and Settlement
AND THE OVERALL WINNER, BEST PERSON OF THE YEAR: Henry Donaldson, Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision.
MANY CONGRATULATIONS, HENRY! Your book vouchers are in the post (sorry they weren't ready on the night).
Now just think, everybody - next year THIS COULD BE YOU!
FROM: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
Kenneth:
Just a little blip, but it could be embarrassing, so better make sure UNISON don't hear about it. Did you realise that Henry Donaldson in Hamish's team is Best Person of the Year and has just been adjudged in EDPE to be failing?
Neil
FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob
TO: Hamish Carpenter
Hamish: We need to have a word about the debacle concerning Henry Donaldson. I hope tomorrow at 4 is suitable for you. Emma Carver from HR will be present. We will be reviewing criteria for EDPE assessment and appropriate implementation pathways.
Believe me, readers - this is only JUST in the realm of fantasy.
Thursday, 27 September 2012
Odanglesex Revisited: A Good Performance (1)
More local bureaucratic fun re-posted here: now the council's approach to performance review and reward. Believe me, this is not far off the truth.
FROM: Conor O'Connor, Director of Human Resources Development
TO: All Directors; Chief Executive
Colleagues:
The proposal for an Excellent Performance Delivery Environment (EPDE)I put before CRB has been approved. To summarise:
* All employees will be graded from A - E by their line managers as part of the annual My Performance process. Grades will be reviewed and approved or amended by Team Leaders.
* To prevent grade inflation, managers will adhere to the following performance profile as closely as possible: A: 15%; B: 25%; C: 25%; D: 20%; E: 15%.
* The thumbnail definition of the categories is as follows: A: outstanding, innovative achiever; B: high achiever within normal parameters; C: meets requirements of job; D: meets requirements of job with some areas for improvement; E: failing and in need of remedial action.
* Categories A and B will receive income augmentation in line with annexe 3A.
* There will be an appeals procedure: details will follow.
This will sharpen up our performance and ensure that we both encourage the high-fliers and weed out the underperformers.
ED's JOB
The blog of Chief Executive Edelbertha Spengler
Hi! I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm a great fan of Queen's Sticks Wielders women's hockey team. Last season was really depressing and we got relegated to Division 2. This season, though, we're going great guns and have won four out of six matches, one of the others being drawn.
What made the difference? A real determination to concentrate on performance and raise the team performance level! And it was a real team effort.
Although performance levels at Odanglesex County Council are pretty much through the roof, we can't afford to rest on our laurels. We only beat Scunthorpeshire by one point in the Local Goverment Chronicle poll last year, and they're making big efforts. We must achieve continuous improvement. That's why I could so easily relate to the finding in the Employee Survey which said that 71% of you thought we could do more to reward good performance.
We've taken that VERY seriously and done two things in response. One is to introduce a Good Performance system which will identify the best performers and reward them. Your directors will be speaking to you about that very soon. The other is to launch a BEST PEOPLE OF THE YEAR award scheme in which all of you will be able to nominate fellow-employees (you can't nominate yourself, sorry. You can't nominate me either - sorry again) for recognition of their outstanding service and they will receive awards at an annual ceremony hosted by a major Odanglesex public figure. Councillor Wayneflete and I will judge the nominations together with Conor O'Connor and we're really looking forward to it!
FROM: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
Kenneth:
Does this new performance reward system really mean I have to assess one of my people as failing?
FROM: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: All Transformational Excellence managers
Kenneth's had a number of queries about EPDE. They come down to the same thing - the degree of flexibility in the recommended profile. In order to ensure a robust performance structure, departures from the profile must be minor and exceptional. Appeals will be dealt with by Kenneth. I hope that clarifies the position.
To be continued...
FROM: Conor O'Connor, Director of Human Resources Development
TO: All Directors; Chief Executive
Colleagues:
The proposal for an Excellent Performance Delivery Environment (EPDE)I put before CRB has been approved. To summarise:
* All employees will be graded from A - E by their line managers as part of the annual My Performance process. Grades will be reviewed and approved or amended by Team Leaders.
* To prevent grade inflation, managers will adhere to the following performance profile as closely as possible: A: 15%; B: 25%; C: 25%; D: 20%; E: 15%.
* The thumbnail definition of the categories is as follows: A: outstanding, innovative achiever; B: high achiever within normal parameters; C: meets requirements of job; D: meets requirements of job with some areas for improvement; E: failing and in need of remedial action.
* Categories A and B will receive income augmentation in line with annexe 3A.
* There will be an appeals procedure: details will follow.
This will sharpen up our performance and ensure that we both encourage the high-fliers and weed out the underperformers.
ED's JOB
The blog of Chief Executive Edelbertha Spengler
Hi! I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm a great fan of Queen's Sticks Wielders women's hockey team. Last season was really depressing and we got relegated to Division 2. This season, though, we're going great guns and have won four out of six matches, one of the others being drawn.
What made the difference? A real determination to concentrate on performance and raise the team performance level! And it was a real team effort.
Although performance levels at Odanglesex County Council are pretty much through the roof, we can't afford to rest on our laurels. We only beat Scunthorpeshire by one point in the Local Goverment Chronicle poll last year, and they're making big efforts. We must achieve continuous improvement. That's why I could so easily relate to the finding in the Employee Survey which said that 71% of you thought we could do more to reward good performance.
We've taken that VERY seriously and done two things in response. One is to introduce a Good Performance system which will identify the best performers and reward them. Your directors will be speaking to you about that very soon. The other is to launch a BEST PEOPLE OF THE YEAR award scheme in which all of you will be able to nominate fellow-employees (you can't nominate yourself, sorry. You can't nominate me either - sorry again) for recognition of their outstanding service and they will receive awards at an annual ceremony hosted by a major Odanglesex public figure. Councillor Wayneflete and I will judge the nominations together with Conor O'Connor and we're really looking forward to it!
FROM: Hamish Carpenter, Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision
Kenneth:
Does this new performance reward system really mean I have to assess one of my people as failing?
FROM: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager
TO: All Transformational Excellence managers
Kenneth's had a number of queries about EPDE. They come down to the same thing - the degree of flexibility in the recommended profile. In order to ensure a robust performance structure, departures from the profile must be minor and exceptional. Appeals will be dealt with by Kenneth. I hope that clarifies the position.
To be continued...
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Tomato or Tomato?
In biology there's a process called "speciation", which is the moving apart of two groups of individuals of the same species, usually geographically separated, until they can be counted as separate species. Something similar happens with languages, although as history has tended to create larger units and faster communication across longer distances as time went on, with languages we also see the process in reverse. At some stage the northern and southern Celtic languages diverged and later the two languages themselves subdivided, encouraged by being separated by non-Celtic speakers, so Cornish, for example, is neither Breton nor Welsh. Distinct dialects spoken by small numbers of people in limited areas, though, have been disappearing quite fast since the 19th century. Languages can also be created by what in biology would be called crossing: cross old Low German with Norman French and you get English. Fortunately the people who speak these languages are fertile, unlike most products of cross-species intercourse.
What on earth is all this about?
It's about British English and American English. Of course there are other Englishes with their own developments - Australian and Indian English, for example - but I fancy looking at these two.
Some characteristics of American English are down to recent crossing or gene-swapping. In parts of the U.S., for example, it seems to be acceptable to say "If I would have done more revision I would have passed the exam" instead of "If I'd done..." (had done). That would be grammatically correct in some other nordic languages. "Fresh" meaning forward (of a girl) comes from German "frisch" (joyful, bubbly). The use of "hopefully" to mean "I hope this" instead of "full of hope" comes from German "hoffentlich". It is better to travel, hopefully, than to arrive.
In other cases American English preserves versions less changed by time. "Dove" instead of "dived" is archaic British English. Pronouncing Lieutenant (a French word meaning place-holder) as "Lootenant" is much closer to the French pronunciation than the British "Leftenant". In fact I really have no idea how we managed to arrive at that pronunciation.
Now for some interesting differences.
The only British English term for the season including October is "autumn". Americans recognise this word, but the common term is "fall". OK until you say something like "What a wonderful fall!" or "She phoned me in mid-fall".
The space for storage at the back of a car in British English is the boot (odd, though you could put your foot in it). Americans say "trunk", presumably because at one time trunks (not the elephant sort) were strapped to the back of the car for storage. So I can put my boot in the trunk or my trunk in the boot. Elephants - please don't try the latter. For that matter, don't submit to the former.
A living-space within a larger building is a flat to the British. The invitation to look at my lovely new flat would not appeal to Americans who, extravagantly, can have up to four flats.
In Britain a lift can take you somewhere in a car, but can also take you up or down inside a building. American lifts are not capable of taking you directly up or down.
"Republican" carries some drastically different meanings depending on whether you're in the U.S., Britain or Northern Ireland. So I may be a Republican in Britain but lose that characteristic by travelling west (but not east unless I go far enough to cross the Pacific).
The two Englishes are, though, coming together now faster than they diverge. "On the weekend" is now common in Britain where once we would only have said "At the weekend" - and we now use "hopefully" in two quite different meanings. Still, there is hope for diversity as Brits may acquire bits of Polish and Americans bits of Spanish.
We may yet be two different species.
Once we're different species, of course, it's hard for us to interbreed.
What on earth is all this about?
It's about British English and American English. Of course there are other Englishes with their own developments - Australian and Indian English, for example - but I fancy looking at these two.
Some characteristics of American English are down to recent crossing or gene-swapping. In parts of the U.S., for example, it seems to be acceptable to say "If I would have done more revision I would have passed the exam" instead of "If I'd done..." (had done). That would be grammatically correct in some other nordic languages. "Fresh" meaning forward (of a girl) comes from German "frisch" (joyful, bubbly). The use of "hopefully" to mean "I hope this" instead of "full of hope" comes from German "hoffentlich". It is better to travel, hopefully, than to arrive.
In other cases American English preserves versions less changed by time. "Dove" instead of "dived" is archaic British English. Pronouncing Lieutenant (a French word meaning place-holder) as "Lootenant" is much closer to the French pronunciation than the British "Leftenant". In fact I really have no idea how we managed to arrive at that pronunciation.
Now for some interesting differences.
The only British English term for the season including October is "autumn". Americans recognise this word, but the common term is "fall". OK until you say something like "What a wonderful fall!" or "She phoned me in mid-fall".
The space for storage at the back of a car in British English is the boot (odd, though you could put your foot in it). Americans say "trunk", presumably because at one time trunks (not the elephant sort) were strapped to the back of the car for storage. So I can put my boot in the trunk or my trunk in the boot. Elephants - please don't try the latter. For that matter, don't submit to the former.
A living-space within a larger building is a flat to the British. The invitation to look at my lovely new flat would not appeal to Americans who, extravagantly, can have up to four flats.
In Britain a lift can take you somewhere in a car, but can also take you up or down inside a building. American lifts are not capable of taking you directly up or down.
"Republican" carries some drastically different meanings depending on whether you're in the U.S., Britain or Northern Ireland. So I may be a Republican in Britain but lose that characteristic by travelling west (but not east unless I go far enough to cross the Pacific).
The two Englishes are, though, coming together now faster than they diverge. "On the weekend" is now common in Britain where once we would only have said "At the weekend" - and we now use "hopefully" in two quite different meanings. Still, there is hope for diversity as Brits may acquire bits of Polish and Americans bits of Spanish.
We may yet be two different species.
Once we're different species, of course, it's hard for us to interbreed.
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