Thursday, 2 February 2012

King David and the Knights of the Mahogany Table: The Fall of Good Sir Fredwyn

When King David was still young and his knights had not sat down around the mahogany table, for an evil power possessed it, his rule was challenged by young Prince Nicholas, who ruled in the wild and barren mountains of Scotia, and in Devonia, and the wilderness of Cheshire, and the dank marshes of Somerset,and the far hills of Brecon and of Carshalton. The armies of King David and of Prince Nicholas fought bloody and desperate battles in Hereford, and in Wells, and Richmond, and in Somerton and even unto Frome, in the land of the people of the horn, that in the vulgar tongue is Cornwall, and on the bleak hills of Westmorland; and many valorous and noble knights were sore wounded.

Then said King David unto Prince Nicholas: "Why do we not work together, and cast the dark balrog out of the land of Downing, and sit together around the mahogany table and sup mead?

And Prince Nicholas said: "All right". So he swore allegiance to King David and in return his most noble followers were made knights of the mahogany table and supped mead.

Now in these days there was a noble knight called Good Sir Fredwyn, who guarded the caravans of gold out of Scotia into Camerlot, and out of Camerlot into Scotia. Many maidens swooned before his face and it was always found that when the caravan's journey was over, there was more gold than when it had started; and for that Good Sir Fredwyn was showered with jewels and handmaidens.

Then came a dark day when Sir Fredwyn came to the King, who said: "Where is the gold?" and Sir Fredwyn said, "I have lost it." Then the King and the whole court waxed wroth, and the king stripped him of his garter, and henceforth he was Good Fredwyn merely. And Sir Osborne, who attended the bedchamber of Queen Theresa, rejoiced, for no person would ask where the gold in his charge had gone, but revile Good Fredwyn. And Good Fredwyn went into the land of Twitter, among the elves and witches, and waxed wroth, and counted his gold, and felt better.

NOTE FOR NON-BRITS: Some possibly relevant facts:

The Prime Minister and leader of the Conservative Party is David Cameron.
The Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the Liberal Democrats is Nick Clegg.
The Liberal Democrats are strong in South-west England (including Devon, Somerset and - if it's English - Cornwall) plus rural Scotland, Cheshire and South-west outer London.
The places where King David and Prince Nicholas battled are all marginal constituencies between Conservatives and Liberal Democrats. Somerton and Frome was particularly famous for having gone Liberal Democrat in 1997 by just 130 votes.
Sir Fred Goodwin was chief executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland, which overreached and crashed, having to be rescued by the government (I've toyed with the timing here, as the crash and rescue happened under the previous government). He was recently stripped of his knighthood.
George Osborne, a close ally of David Cameron, is Cahncellor of the Exchequer (that is, minister of finance).

No comments:

Post a Comment