Onwards and upwards with Odanglesex's transformation of its stationery operation. As usual, this is a repost with one or two changes (one change, in fact).
FROM: Conor O'Connor, Director of Human Resources Development
TO: Brett West, Head of Modernisation and Business Practice
It was unfortunate that the last module of the Supersmart ordering training could not be delivered because the Supersmart order for the training from Piers, Gaveston, Edwards had not been completed. I'm afraid the failure was in our Directorate, so we'll hold our hands up. Verity Casement and Martin House can be booked as they achieved an above average satisfaction rating on the feedback forms, but unfortunately booking them on a once-off basis will be more expensive. Please cascade.
FROM: Conor O'Connor
TO: Lisa Contractor, PA to Conor O'Connor
I messed up that Supersmart order. Could you be at my shoulder when I do it next?
SENT FROM MY BLACKBERRY
FROM: Naomi McNeish, Children's Team Co-ordinator (Mid-West)
TO: Maori Sheepshed, Assistant Director of Children's Services (Children)
We're out of postits. We're out of biros except for green ones. We're out of highlighters. We're out of A4 for the printer and photocopier and as you appreciate, some documentation is still not accepted unless in hard copy form. Supersmart insists I don't exist and I'm beginning to believe it. As I'm the budget holder no-one else can order this stuff and we're now at a point that Mid-West cannot function properly.
Can you help?
FROM: Maori Sheepshed
TO: All Children's Team Co-ordinators
Please note that from 28th April for an experimental four months, Mid-West and Far West's infrastructure services will operate as a single unit. This should deliver efficiency gains. There are at present no staffing implications.
FROM: Magog Jones, Director of Transportation and Settlement
TO: Simeon Lascelles, Director of Spatial Exploration and Direction Management
In the whole of T&S, I am reliably told, there is not a single staple other than those already inserted in sheets of paper. Some officers are even resorting to extracting the used staples and trying to reuse them. We have, however, a surfeit of mouse-mats (the computer sort, I assume) following the latest round of redundancies.
One of my spies was recently in your core team's office and observed copious supplies of packets of staples. I understand you're taking on five new staff. Could we exchange some of your staples for our mouse-mats?
FROM: SIMEON LASCELLES
TO: MAGOG JONES
In principle, yes. However, we have a problem in that the staples ordered do not fit any staplers in our office. Do you have any X33U2 staplers?
This one will run and run...